As I mentioned in the last post, my father in law spent a few days in the hospital. When he came back, we scrambled to make him comfortable at home, schedule his physical therapy and nurse appointments, and help him with his daily routines.
After three weeks, he is better. But he is worse than his pre-hospital self.
He is better at getting himself in and out of bed. He is sleeping slightly better.
But overall he is worse. He needs supervision when he is walking to the bathroom or from the bedroom to the living room.
We now have a new nighttime routine. I sit with him till around 11 PM and then urge him to go to bed. He gets up from the couch, which is an effort for him. This person who remembers his childhood events, his old friends, who can discuss the latest world news, has now forgotten how to get up from the couch. Each time he looks to the person next to him for help. Then we remind him to put his hands next to him and push off like the PT taught him. He can do it.
Next is the walk from the living room to the bathroom. He first stands up and waits for a couple of minutes to get his bearings. Then he starts walking. He gets dizzy, so each step is taken slowly. Excruciatingly slowly. I walk with him to give him some support. At the bathroom door, he leaves the walker and uses the countertops to reach the toilet. So far he can manage that himself.
His room is 5 steps from the bathroom. He walks to his bed and sits on the bed. He arranges his things on the bedside table, his phone, the nighttime snacks of crackers and candy, the bedside light, his tissues. He then lays himself down. He needs help to take the comforter. The pillows have to be placed just right. He wants the walker placed right next to the bed. I think he is scared of falling, we have ordered a bedside rail for him.
Then I switch off the room lights and keep the bathroom light on. The door to the bathroom has to be kept open just the right amount.
I sit with him for five minutes to make sure he’s comfortable.
All this takes a minimum of 35-45 minutes. The good thing is that he is able to sleep through the night with this routine.
It reminds me of the times when my daughters were young. Reminding them to brush their teeth. Getting them into bed, telling them a bedtime story. Assuring them that I was just down the hall. Leaving the bathroom light switched on for the night.
They say, babies and elderly are alike. In both stages one is bald, has wrinkles, no teeth, and is dependent on others for the basics. It is difficult to make others understand one’s wishes. The frustration of not being understood. Most of the day is spent dozing.
This has affected my days to a certain extent. I am hesitant to leave him alone for anytime more than an hour. I have to change my routine of walking in the mornings, to the evenings, when my husband is at home.
All these years my sister has been urging me to do my shopping, grocery or otherwise, in the evenings as the stores are less crowded. Now I think I too will be going to the stores later in the day.
I am back to cooking the softest foods I can think of. Soups, puddings, jello, rice, lentils. One bowl dishes. He doesn’t like to sit at the dining table any more, he prefers I give him the meal at his seat on the couch. Back to T.V. dinner trays and tables.
What am I learning from all this? That I cannot rush him. Nothing will be done in my time, but in his. Just like with my daughters, I can gently guide, but I will have to go by his timeline if I want to prevent any hurt feelings or temper issues.
Man Zou– common Chinese phrase translates as “walk slow.” Be careful, be mindful, learn from the journey.